The Kid Is Alright

"How's Dad doing?" "How's your father holding up?"

I get these questions often. We celebrated my niece Lily's 3rd birthday today. During the party, my in-laws asked me how Dad was. Last Friday at our monthly meeting, I haven't seen my friend Toufek in a while. I was training him to work in one of my buildings while Mom was at the end of her fight with cancer and the doctors had told her they can't do anything for her. I spent the majority of the time on the phone with Dad crying and then apologizing afterwards for not working. He understood and left me a very heartfelt phone message after Mom passed. Friday he considerately asked me how my Dad was doing.

How is my Dad doing? I'm sure he has his moments and times where he gets sad, but honestly? I think Dad is doing freaking great!

Dad reads my blog. (Hi Dad!) He discovered it when I sent him an email- the blog address is in my signature. I was a little chagrined that my DAD was reading all my inner thoughts and crap that I deem important. (GOD- did he read the bloody Diva cup post? I sincerely hoped he skipped that one.) A quick glance at my blog list- nah, there's nothing in there (except the Diva cup post) that would make me a little squirmish when I saw Dad.

So because today is his birthday, I want to dedicate this post to him to tell him how proud I am of him. He's doing all the things Mom did all those years- shopping, banking, paying bills. He buys birthday gifts for the family. He found a new insurance company for the house. He pimped out his truck- ghostly flames and LED lights. He tried Thai food.

Last Saturday, he goes with me and gets this:

Yes, Dad got inked.

So did I. Dad's heart tattoo honors my Mom and my brother, tricked out with blue flames to match his truck. I finally got my poison ivy tattoo- my little talisman against getting poison ivy every year. Mine also honors Mom and my brother, Robbie, as well as our friend J. Can you see the initials in the vines? While mine hurt like hell, Dad didn't flinch, he claims it didn't hurt at all. I wish I had his nerve endings. He's already planning on going back this week to add more to his tat! Someone's addicted!

I've been inked with my daughter, now I got inked with my dad. The guys at Sparrow Tattoo in West Hempstead said they've never had that combination before.

Then today, I get the surprise of my life-an email requesting me as a Facebook friend...from Dad!

My Dad is on Facebook. He wanted to find some long lost friends, so he signed up. At 74, he got a tattoo and signed onto Facebook.

My daddy rocks.

Happy Birthday, Dad! Keep doing what you're doing and you'll be fine!

I love you.
.

All That Pomp and Circumstance

So much to say, so much to write....but first and most importantly;

My daughter is a college graduate. Yes, Beena- my eldest- graduated today from Adelphi University with a Bachelor of Science degree in Math.

Those were the quickest four years of our lives.

Three thousand undergrads and graduates walked across the stage at Nassau Coliseum. Three thousand brown and gold students switched their tassels from one side to another. Three thousand students cheered when the President of the School congratulated them on being the Class of 2010.

And my Beena was one of them.

Beena, one part of your life has ended, but another, more important part has begun. You have officially become an adult. If you were not going on next year (and this summer) for your Master's, you would be starting to look for a job. A real job.

Such responsibilities to look forward to! And maybe a little scary?

I see only good things for you in the future. Your work ethic is wonderful- who, at the age of fourteen, was running their mother's business for them? You were. You were a full time student and managed to practically run the retail store you've worked in since high school. I have no doubt you'll find a job in a school you love, teaching kids you love. You love putting together lesson plans. Your favorite time of the year was always "back-to-school" because you love school supplies. You were born to teach.

I am so proud of you! Don't be discouraged or afraid to do those adult things you're going to have to do in the future. Daddy and I will always be here to help and guide you when you need us. Please don't think we're crazy. We love you and always want the best for you!

Oh, and thanks for graduating! Since I didn't go to my college graduation, going to yours was extra special to me. And yes, we'll be going to your Master's ceremony same time next year. We wouldn't miss it. We've got this graduation thing down- we know what to expect!

So conGRADulations, graduate! The world is yours- take advantage of it! There is so much out there to experience!

Love you, Beena! Lots and lots and lots. Right? Right! Begub...begub...begub.

Just Sit Right Back and You'll Hear a Tale, A Tale of a Fateful Trip

No F*CK YOU Friday today, I'm too full of love...

The love started on Wednesday, celebrating my birthday. The girls took me out for lunch to the Brick Lane Curry House Too- the home of the hottest curry dish in North America. No, I didn't try it. I was too chicken. The place was tiny-it seats 14- but the food was delicious. This satisfies one of my 101 in 1001- trying a new restaurant!

After a pretty unproductive day at work, where almost no one (including the team I work with)wished me a Happy Birthday, I left a little early to go home to my family who was waiting to take me to Thai food. Indian and Thai in the same day? This must be Heaven! What made it extra special was that Dad joined us!

Now this wouldn't be such a big deal to most. It was to me since my parents always refused to try anything outside their comfort zone. They knew what they liked. If they didn't think they would like it, they wouldn't try it. This included eating most ethnic food, traveling outside the country and watching popular tv shows. That was okay, though. They stood by their convictions and didn't feel like they were missing anything.

Except dinner with their family on my birthdays.

We would go out for Indian, or Mexican, or Thai and they would meet us back at our house for cake. This time, though, Dad went with us to Frankly Thai (otherwise known as Onzon). AND he tried the spicy, crispy noodles! And lived! I am so proud of him, and honored that he was willing to go out with us. He said it was good, and I'll choose to believe him.

After dinner we had cake back at the house and I opened my presents. A bread maker from Dad (along with three bread mixes,) sock monkey slippers from Zombiegirl, from MR-tickets to Promises, Promises on Broadway, a rain barrel, topsy turvy tomatoes and an Amex Gift Certificate. From Beena- a HUGE bread recipe book. Wonderful gifts from my wonderful family. Thanks you guys!

The best part of this day, though, had to be the fact that I wasn't turning a year older than I thought. Since MR is three months older than me, I automatically start saying I'm the same age he is whenever anyone asks. I must have convinced myself I was already 47 and started saying I was turning 48. It took Soulspeak23 to remind me I'm a moron and I'm a year younger. Hooray! I'm NOT 48!

Monday Tidbits

I swear I saw Almira Gulch pedaling furiously through the air on Saturday. Laughing and pointing and scowling at me as she flew by the window. What kind of weather was that? Seventy-five mile per hour winds, slashing rain, thunder, lighting...we're not in Kansas anymore!
After an already full day of wet haircuts and wet Bridal Shower (Congratulations Jessica and Mervin!) we were tired. I started painting the brick wall for Platform 9-3/4 and Z-girl was on Facebook. We were zoning out fast. I finally dozed for a bit. That's when the tree limbs started raining down from the sky.

Since MR was seafooding it at the Boston Convention Center for the last few days, Zombiegirl and I were left home by ourselves in the middle of the storm. Z-girl was a little nervous about the lights going out so we got dressed and went out around 5:30. Maybe not the smartest idea.

We went to Panera Bread on Jericho Turnpike for dinner. Just the walk (run) from the car to the restaurant soaked us. Hot soup was looking mighty good 'bout now. Zombie-g waited a long time to finally get the potato soup in the bread bowl and it was worth the wait. She finished it in record time, which for her is odd since she's the slowest eater on the planet.

After another quick, wet dash to the car, we drove up Jericho for about a half mile before we were detoured by a LOT of police cars. This was not boding well. I couldn't see a half a block in front of me, and people took this kind of weather as an okay to drive like assholes. We finally made it, after about 45 minutes, to the BJ's on Broad Hollow Road.

Hey- I needed stuff for the party! Yes, I knew it was hurricane-like out. But we would be the only ones in BJ's! It'll be great- no crowds!

Yeah, no.

We weren't the only nuts out in this weather. There were plenty of people there, buying 2-3 items- not even huge orders! It was like BJ's was a sanctuary in the maelstrom of a storm.

Until they announced their system was down, and could only take cash.

I moved up to the front of the line and bought my Cow Tails and Pixie Sticks. Zombiegirl, being the smarty that she is, grabbed one of those boxes in the front of the store to put over her head. I was complimenting her ingenuity when the box of giant Pixie Sticks broke (due to leaning against my wet coat) and went flying all over the exit. Where people were all standing and debating whether or not to go out in the rain to their cars. And, of course, not helping me.

So we once again ran to the car, and drove approximately 100 feet to the movie theater. This mad dash to the theater was totally worth it because WE FINALLY GOT TO SEE ALICE IN WONDERLAND!

Yes, instead of staying home under the covers, we risked power outages went to the movies.

IT.

WAS.

AWESOME.

We're going back to see it again since it was such a colorful, beautiful movie I'm sure we missed alot of stuff.

And because Johnny Depp is in it.

Driving back home was super creepy/ The kid fell asleep and I was listening to Bad Romance (again) and I realized that the whole area of our neighborhood north of Hempstead Turnpike was dark. No streetlights, no house lights-it was like someone painted a dark gray veil over the neighborhood. I tried to wake Z-girl up, but she was zonked. Then I came to the turnpike and the brightness of the lights actually hurt my eyes! Thankfully, we had power when we got home.

Not for long...

Monday Tidbits on Tuesday

I can't believe how fast time flies. This weekend marked the year anniversary of Mom's passing. She technically passed away on February 27, 2009, at 11:45 pm, but she wasn't declared gone until the Hospice nurse got there at around three o'clock in the morning of the 28th. I'm amazed that the year went by so fast. Dad has been awesome this past year- he's had his sad moments, but he's coping. Very well. I'm so relieved.

After Friday's "Snurricaine" turned into a "Snore-iccaine", we were pretty sure we would be able to follow through with our plans to remember Mom. I took off work on Friday due to the weather, so I was able to get done everything I needed to get done (sewing little man clothes- more on that later) and be able to devote all day Saturday to our trip. We honored Mom by going down to Atlantic City.

What better place to remember Mom? What better place to cheer Dad up…especially after he won over $600 at Caesar's! Yeah, he's cheery now. Mom definitely smiled on him. We played the two slot machines they always played and he was describing how they would nudge each other when they hit. He turned around from elbowing me and he had hit the jackpot- 2,500 quarters! After he did his happy dance, and threw me a few $20's to keep going, we left and switched off with MR and Zombiegirl.

Thanks, Mom. You dissed me and your son-in-law. But you made Dad happy.

I wanted to post this on Monday, but the pain I was in prevented me from doing much more than moaning on the couch begging MR to rub my back with Bengay. I'm not sure what I did to my back, but I'm pretty sure it's not muscular. I need to see the chiropractor, stat.

Oh, btw. If you give up candy for Lent, do NOT bring your child to It'Sugar. It's a playground for kids, a Willy Wonka type of heaven. I was in HELL.

Faith is Restored

I told MR yesterday that I ran out of things to post about on this blog. I thought at that time that I was fresh out of ideas, my brain spent. I had no new ideas, and nothing interesting has happened to me. My life, she's boring.

Then I remembered where we were. We all took the day off to go see the latest addition to our family- little Hannah Kate, born to Paula and Ray, MR's sister and her husband. We were all in the car driving up to Putnam with a three-foot hero and baby gifts in the back.

The cuteness! All six pounds of her! She looks a little like her big brother Ray, and a little like her older sister Lily. But on a much smaller scale. She was so small her sleeper was swimming on her. Her little arm got swallowed up in all the soft, pink folds of her clothes and her blanket. We dug around for awhile but still didn't find her hands and feet. We didn't want to wake her just to see her toes.

Paula and Ray- they know how to make gorgeous kids.

So I'm Aunt Soo to the 4th.

So writing about my gorgeous little niece, the dam burst and now I have a bunch of things to blog about! Stay tuned for:

• The stupidity of humans
• Why I'm giving up Facebook
• My first recipe- with pictures!
• Synchronicity
• Croque-en-bouche
• Trouble on the 5:04
• My take on Avatar
• My new Droid
• Squirrel Vision- now in IMAX

There. I'm committed. Same bat time, same bat channel.

Monday Tidbits

Sorry for the filler post of videos. I was due anyway. They were clogging up My Favorites. Last week was such a busy week. Zombiegirl had three rehearsals for Her All-County Concert, Dad came over for dinner, we got two tickets, MR came in to the city to pick up chairs, Paula had a baby, I de-Christmased the house, I started painting the molding upstairs, I got sick twice and….

Wait- back up. What did I just say?

Dad came over for dinner? Yes, yes he did. We went out for Burger Bite. I really like that place. A lot of thought went into this tiny little restaurant that replaced our beloved Rita's Italian Ices. From the "build your own burger" to the funny "Screw You" sign to the little sticker on the umbrella stand that says "Umbrella ella ella." Unfortunately I did get a little sick from the veggie burger. Yes, you CAN under cook a veggie burger. It was really mushy. One strike, Burger Bite!

Oh. You didn't want to hear about dinner. Okay. So yes, I did de-Christmas the house. And just in time, too. The side of the tree facing the radiator was brown and gross. I organized the Christmas trunk, too (the trunk I keep in the basement with all the decorations in it) and got rid of a lot of the decorations we didn't like or never put out. I was able to put all my Christmas Fiestaware in the trunk, freeing up more room in the liquor cabinet for more booze! Yay! Now if we could just get the mirror marker decorations Z-girl drew off the mirror.

Um, you didn't want to hear about Christmas either? What? The molding? No? Must be the All-County Concert then.

When Zombie-g got picked for All-County for playing the flute, we were ecstatic! She was the only person selected from her whole band! Mohammed was selected from orchestra, and Hailey D., Lauren, Ciara, Dana and Nicole were selected for Chorus. There were three 3-hour rehearsals last week and unfortunately, she had to miss the soccer tourney for the last practice. The concert was yesterday. MR, Beena and myself went- with trepidation, because you know how these sound. They are in Fifth Grade, after all.

The Nassau Music Educator's Association puts together this concert every year with the top students in the school districts throughout Nassau County. The students have to be recommended by their school's music teacher. There are five divisions broken down by age group, with Fifth Grade being the first. And that Division was so big they had to further break it down into two divisions- East and West. It's held at the Tilles Center at CW Post every year for two weekends- it's all very professionally run.

Well, shoot me in the foot, were we surprised! They were AWESOME! You'd never guess they've only been playing for really only one year! We totally enjoyed the concert, and I told Z-girl I want to go to this concert every year for the next seven years. I want her picked every year…wherever she goes to High School!

Okay, okay. We got new chairs for the living room. We're getting rid of the Nana Frances couch- the one Spencer sleeps on. He'll either have to act like a dog and sleep on the "sleepy" (dog bed) or he can use one of the chairs. They've already been tested by both dogs, and meet their high standard of approval. Thank you, UBS. I don't know why Ms. Faye got so paranoid about us picking them up- they were going to be thrown away anyways. Geez.

No? Not what you're waiting to hear about? You want to hear about the tickets, don't you.
Yes, both MR and I got tickets. Me for running a red light (damn cameras) and MR for "blocking the box." And both were pretty bogus, if you ask me.

My red light running occurred on Old Country Road going into the Roosevelt Field Mall the night we saw Santa. I made a right on red (legal everywhere except NYC) and we saw a flash. According to Beena, I panicked. I asked her if I ran a red light and she concurred that I didn't. According to Nassau County Police, I did. The notice and the fine for $50 came three weeks later. I paid it, then realized I should have fought it. We drove by the scene of the crime and there was a turning lane (I was in it) and NO sign prohibiting a right on red. Stupid me. I should fight authority more often.

MR got a ticket for blocking the box in NYC the day he came to pick up the chairs. He stood there for two light changes and nothing in front of him moved. He moved up on the third green light to let the people behind him make their turns and he got caught by the cop standing on the corner. Doing nothing. Not directing traffic- nothing. She waved him over and slapped him with a $115 ticket. He argued and asked what he was supposed to do? Make a right turn, she said. He didn't WANT to turn- why wasn't she handing out tickets on the next block for blocking traffic? Because he was an easy catch, and easy mark. She didn't want to lug her fat ass up the block to investigate what was wrong. MR was furious! I won't post his rants because he might on his blog. Needless to say, we're not very happy with police these days. Case in point- we saw a cop driving while on a cell phone this very morning. Are they there for our protection? Probably not. I think they're around just to drum up revenue.

And….[drumroll] I became an aunt again! My sister-in-law Paula and Ray had their fourth child, baby Hanna Kate! She weighed in at 6lbs., 1/2 oz. Mom and baby are doing great. Big brother Raymond and big sisters Sammy and Lily have to wait until she comes home to see her. We're going up this week to visit, since Zombiegirl won't be able to get into the hospital either. I can't wait to hold this little peanut in my arms! If I get sick between now and then I'll scream!

Popping the vitamins and sucking down the Neti pot!

So that was my week.. Mostly good things, which we need right now!

Happy Boxing Day!

Today's Boxing Day. The day after Christmas when you get rid of all the boxes of all the presents you received the day before.

Okay, not really. Boxing Day (in Great Britain and Canada) is the day you honor all the servants and work people in your life. So since I forgot my mailman, John and the paperboy and the bus drivers, I'll get their cards together and give them tokens of our appreciation. How much do you give your mailman?

Our Christmas was very low-key and simple this year. We went up to Paula and Ray's Christmas Eve for a HUGE fish dinner. Gak, I ate so much. Ray is an awesome cook (Paula is NO slouch, either.) The scallops were the best I've ever eaten. Yesterday, we had Dad over for dinner and some Wii games. A casual time, with no fuss. The food was good, the gifts were great and the French Creams tasted like Pepto Bismol. At least the pink ones did!

I hate when people post what they got for Christmas. I always feel like they're showing off. But I have to post what I got for Christmas- it's too funny. Besides the zoom lens for my Rebel (thanks MR), the silver and turquoise cross by C. Iule (thanks Z-girl), Stephen King's latest novel Under the Dome (thanks Beena), my Secret Santa got me an awesome gift off my gift list on the right. Instead of buying all the sister-in-laws and brother-in-laws gifts, the six of us pick our Secret Santa out of a hat. I got Ray this year and Laura (MR's sister) got me. Paula picked up a knife for Ray the Hunter and Laura got me a Doggie Dooley.

Yes, a septic system for dog shit.

And how awesome is that? It gets buried in my backyard and all the poop gets shovelled into it. A digestive powder is added and it breaks down the crap and it liquifies into the ground. My only concern is that it'll seep into the water table. Long Island gets their freshwater from the underground aquifers. Will the massive pooping systems I call Lola and Spencer contaminate the aquifers? Will I be harming the ecosystem by putting doody into the ground? Probably not. We can't break ground until the spring. And I can't wait. How pathetic is that that I am anxious to shovel shit?!

I'm going to continue with the Cookie Exchange recipes, then when that's all done, I HAVe to blog about the Croque-en-bouche disaster.

So here's another cookie recipe featured at the party... Rosalie's Tri Color Cookies. These were absolutely lucious! And Roe is great- she's Beena's "Mother-in-law"- her boyfriend John's mom.

Tri Color Cookies

2 sticks butter, softened
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs, room temperature
1 cup sifted flour
3 teaspoons pure almond extract
1 tablespoon finely grated orange zest
food coloring, green, yellow and pink

FILLING:1 jar seedless raspberry spread

TOPPING: 1 (12-ounce) bag semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 1/2 tablespoons vegetable oil

This recipe is cooked in three separate layers and then assembled. The bottom layer is green, the middle layer is yellow, and the top layer is pink.

Preheat oven to 375°F. Use air-foam pan approximately 15x10x1 lined with parchment paper.
Cream together butter and sugar. Blend in eggs one at a time. Add flour gradually, blending well. Add extract, orange zest, and several drops of green food coloring. Blend.

Bake for approximately 15 minutes. Let cool on rack and carefully flip cake out of pan onto flat tray or into larger pan. Carefully remove the parchment paper and spread jam across entire surface, not too thick.

Repeat cooking directions for next layer using yellow food coloring. After cooling, flip this layer on top of first layer, press, and spread with jam. Repeat last layer using pink food coloring.
In a double boiler, melt chocolate chips with oil. Spread evenly over top layer with a spatula. Let cool.

Refrigerate until read to cut. Before cutting, bring back to room temperature and using a sharp knife cut into 2-inch by 1-inch cookies, discarding edges that are uneven.

TIP: Cookies also freeze well. Freeze uncut and bring to room temperature before slicing.
Yield: Approximately 70 - 75 cookies

What was your favorite gift YOU got for Christmas?

Countdown to Christmas #8- Sleep in Heavenly Peace

If there is to be peace in the world,

There must be peace in the nations.

If there is to be peace in the nations,

There must be peace in the cities.

If there is to be peace in the cities,

There must be peace between neighbors.

If there is to be peace between neighbors,

There must be peace in the home.

If there is to be peace in the home,

There must be peace in the heart.

~ Lao-Tzu

I was going to finish my weekend post about the Cookie Exchange we had last Saturday night, but a recent anonymous comment left on this blog prompted me to preempt the weekend post with one I've been carrying around with me for awhile.

Guess what?

I realized the other day that I'm content.

I realized the other day that I'm at peace.

As the world swirls around me, as the economy crashes at my feet, as my family is torn asunder...I can honestly say I'm serene in my heart.

Yes, I may be cranky at times. Or cruel. Or snarky. Or bitchy.

Yes, I want the pieces of my family put back together.

Yes, I want my dog to stop drooling. And my underpits to stop itching. And my belly to be less flabby.

Yes, I still complain about work, tourists, Naomi, and the people who've "done me wrong."

But it doesn't matter. It's all crap.

As I sat on the bus the other day holding a stroller upright for a young mother juggling an arm full of baby and groceries I was like the Grinch, who's heart swelled 10 sizes that day. My heart swelled and I knew that I am blessed. Blessed with a wonderful family, awesome friends, a job, no bills, good health, minimal stress and I want for nothing.

Dare I say it?

I'm happy.

Is it the effect of the season that's making me happy? Is it this gorgeous Christmas tree sitting in front of me that not only lights up the room, but also my heart?

I don't think so. I think the Holiday Spirit inside me has been magnified by my new-found inner happiness. My contentedness. My calm.

Do I have peace in my heart, in my mind, in my soul? Do I feel that I'm a good person, a good wife, a good friend and a good mother to those around me?

Yes, I think I do, and I think I am.

I'm sleeping very well these days...

Countdown to Christmas #7- The Laying of the Wreaths (or What I Did This Weekend, Part 1)

Part 1

Here it is, Monday the 14th. It’s a sad day for me, but I’m not ready to blog about it just yet. I’ve been in remembrance mode all weekend and I just need to get into the spirit of the season. And I’m happy to say I’m there. I’m not ready to sink down into sadness just right yet.

I want to blog about my weekend, but you might want to wait for the "Saturday Night" installment of this blog. I’m documenting my Saturday morning with Dad not only so I can remember what we did and where we went, but throwing out the names of my relatives on the Interwebs might bring interesting results. If you want to read about my dead family members then have at it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Saturday Morning:
After losing Zombiegirl and MR to Putnam Valley (him hunting, her shopping with Aunt Laura) I was free to spend five hours traveling the length of Long Island and Queens with Dad. He had asked me a month ago if I would come with him to place wreaths on our family’s graves. I knew he and Mom did this every year after taking it over from my Aunt and Nana Frances, and I knew it was important to him- he already had the wreaths in the car when he asked. So we made a date for early Saturday morning.

After breakfast at the Venus, we headed out to Pinelawn, where my brother and mother are interred. Okay, here goes- I’m acknowledging my brother’s death today, 20 years ago. But I’m not going to dwell. Don’t want to sink…not yet.

Out in Pinelawn, Dad placed a miniature Christmas tree in front of their stones. I hadn’t seen Mom’s engraving since the last time we were out there to place her ashes in the niche, so it came as a little bit of a shock and I got a little bit choked up. That’s okay, though, perfectly normal response, right? Not going to let this day get me down. Dad and I were having a great conversation about practically everything. I didn’t want to get all emotional and bring him down, too. A few tears, a kiss on each stone and we’re off to the next cemetery. I don’t remember my Uncle Ed very well. I remember his girlfriend at the time, Doree, though. (She was one strange peacock- always decked out in jewelry and makeup- even though she was in her 60’s. Dad claims she was a hooker. I always thought she was glamorous. I was five. What did I know?) Uncle Edward Ellsworth Hewlett is buried in the U.S. National Cemetery. I was truly amazed at the amount of all the soldiers buried here and the military precision in which the headstones are placed. Straight lines in EVERY direction, as far as you can see. Truly amazing. We placed the wreath, Dad told me a few stories of my Uncle, (one of Nana Ethel’s nine siblings) I snapped a few pictures and we got back into the car.
Why does it feel 20 degrees colder at cemeteries?

On the way out of the cemetery, I see a man about my age bend down to kiss the headstone of his loved one. A father? A son? A daughter? Tears sprang back into my eyes as I witnessed this very tender act. Crap. Don’t let Dad see me cry…

My beloved Nana Ethel is buried in Trinity Cemetery in Hewlett. My family founded Hewlett, Long Island- but unfortunately none of the money trickled down into our hands. We hit this cemetery next because it’s close to the Lawrence Costco, and I needed to pick up an art desk for the nieces and nephew. Dad recently had Nana’s name added to the Pfeiff headstone. One of my Mom’s last requests (of me, actually- I totally dropped the ball on this one) was to have Nana’s name engraved on the headstone. This was the first time I saw the new engraving. Her husband William is next to her and her mother and father (my Great-Grandparents on my Mom’s side) are buried on the left side of them. Don’t tell anyone- Nana and her husband are really lying reversed of their names on the headstone. Nana was supposedly slightly pissed when they engraved her husband’s name on the wrong side, but who’s going to know? Besides us…

Costco had the art set at HALF the price it was last week at the Old Westbury Costco. I like instant Manufacturers coupons! Yay for Christmas!

We drove back into Queens to visit Dad’s relatives. First stop, Maple Grove Cemetery in Kew Gardens. Seems Dad’s father, Grandpa-formerly-known-as-Pop-Pop, didn’t want to be buried in the family cemetery- he wanted something more peaceful and shady. Well, Maple Grove is pretty, but Grandpa is buried within sight of the Van Wyck Expressway overlooking the Good Samaritan Village. The nearest tree is around 30 feet away. Good planning, Grandpa! Lol! We had a little problem finding him- thank goodness Mom had written down the plot number. Howard Arfmann is the only Arfmann in our family buried in this cemetery. On the plaque in the ground (no headstone) there’s a spot for my Nana. According to my Dad, his father was ready to die- maybe to get away from my Nana? Now he’s going to spend all eternity with her, whenever my Aunt decides to place her ashes in the ground. Stop talking to your dead mother, Aunt Jean and get her buried. Or something. It’s really not healthy to have her keep you company! [snort] We placed a wreath on the cool metal vase that pops out of the metal ground plate and geared up for the next cemetery.

My Great-Grandma, Ida, and her spinster daughter, my Great-Aunt Marion are buried at Trinity Lutheran Cemetery in Ridgewood.. This cemetery is so old, a bush that was planted around where my relatives are buried was probably three feet in diameter 60 years ago. The damned bush is over 25 feet wide now! If they ever cut this bush down, I won’t be able to find my folks. And in 15 years, it just might overtake my ancestor’s headstones. A family of five could live comfortably within it’s evergreen branches, it’s so big.

Anyway, Great-Grandma Ida Arfmann, Marion Arfmann and my Great-Grandpa, George Arfmann, whom I never met, are buried here. Great-Grandpa died 50 years before his wife! She never re-married, preferring to keep her daughter by her side as company. Aunt Marion was never allowed to marry. Seems weird now that I’m an adult, but as a child I loved these two women. Future blog post.

Cousin Mildred Arfmann (Dad’s father’s cousin) is buried with her parents right next door. Mildred was another spinster who preferred the company of her married boyfriend to actually finding someone available and settling down. She had a good life with him, though. He doted on her and she was able to maintain her independence. She loved MR so much more than my ex. She was the only one happy to hear I was getting a divorce. Mildred told it like it was- direct and overbearing- and I loved her very much, too.

I got some great pictures of some of the soaring angels at Trinity Lutheran. It got really cold and windy so we didn’t linger. Dad and I talked some more about our crazy relatives (another blog post) and then he dropped me off so I could start on my cookie baking. All around, it was good we did this together. Another tradition born out of necessity! Is it morbid that I took pictures of my family’s tombstones? I’m just afraid I’ll never find them again when it’s my turn to go cemetery hopping at Christmas.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of What I Did This Weekend.

Countdown to Christmas #6- Hansel and Gretel, Eat Your Heart Out

The tradition of decorating gingerbread houses at Christmastime began the year our dear dog, Lola, ate the house Zombiegirl decorated at Riesterer's Bakery on a Girl Scout trip. It was left on the dining room table for everyone to look at, then, when our backs were turned, Lola jumped up on the table and finished it off. Licked the plate clean- not a crumb left.

Zombiegirl was so upset my Mom bought a gingerbread house kit and invited Z-girl over to decorate it. They had such a good time, they made it an annual event. Just the two of them. It was the only thing they ever did together.

Last year was bittersweet. Mom asked me to help them, since her tumor had grown so much and was, well, leaking. Her lips were also numb and swollen so she couldn't talk much at that point. She didn't want Z-girl to see her like that, so she wrapped a towel around her neck, made the frosting then let us decorate the little houses- there were three in that kit. We brought them home as usual and put them on top of the wall unit. Hey, we learn quickly.

I didn't even think about the gingerbread decorating thing this year. It was Beena's idea. She said she and Zombiegirl would decorate the house this year if I picked up a kit.

My eldest is turning out so thoughtful.

So we were in Costco the other night and the first thing we see when we walked in were pallets upon pallets of gingerbread house kits. I didn't care how much it was, I was getting it. (It was only $19.95!) Last night, in the middle of my migraine, we started putting together the house.

After a few minutes, it was apparent I wasn't needed.


Beena and Z-girl put the house and tree together and decorated it with icing, gumdrops, jellybeans and jaw breakers. This sweet tradition has been passed down from grandmother to granddaughter, skipping me altogether. But I am SO alright with that- I love when my daughters do things together. I love listening from the oher room their banter and minor arguments. These two have a new tradition together- like it or not. I can picture 10 to 15 years from now those two getting together with their kids at a big kitchen table (maybe grandma's?) putting together a bunch of gingerbread houses. Remembering the joy and the tears of past house decorating. And wondering if there's enough candy to finish the job this year.

Thanks, dear Lola. Your insatiable appetite started a sweet, sweet tradition for our family.

Now stop drinking from the toilet.

Countdown to Christmas #1- Christmas Cards

So here it is, December 1st. Twenty-four days until Christmas. What the hell happened? Last I checked there were 100 days left until Christmas! Crap. I am not ready for this.

Last night, I decided to try to post everyday on the blog something to do with Christmastime. Sorry Soulspeak…I know how much you’re going to hate this. Most of it will be ranting at the stupidity that usually overtakes people around this time. Meh! So what else is new- I’m ranting on my blog. But hey, that’s how I roll. I like to complain. Hopefully I won’t be a raving lunatic all the time. I want to get into the holiday spirit. I really do. I’m going to need it.

I started filling out our Christmas cards Sunday night. On my 101 in 1001 list I stated that I would make all our cards. I did an inventory of the box that’s been sitting under my cutting table in my sewing room all year and I found a pile of loose cards, as well as three boxes of cards I got half price last year after the holidays. I’m going to use the boxed cards up first before I make the rest. They’re too pretty to waste. The loose cards will go to Zombiegirl for her teachers and friends. (Thanks Rob and Mrs. Schiffman, for all the extra cards!)

I made my Christmas card list about a month ago as part of the 100 Days of Christmas countdown. I had to- my previous years list was lost in the third re-image of my computer, thank you little Facebook virus. As I typed in the names, I thought good and hard about how I felt about each person, or family, on my list then played like I was Freddie Kruger in Friday the 13th- SLASH, SLASH, SLASH.

The list was cut. Drastically.

I was the type of person who had over 100 people/families on my list. Just looking at that many people on that list left me tired and depressed. Not to mention the cost of mailing them! (By the way- St. Andrew’s does a nice thing. You can bring in your cards for families in the church and the ladies group will sort them out. You can pick up your bundle when you go to church on Christmas Eve!) I realized that I didn’t talk to more than half these people in the last few years- our only correspondence were cards at Christmas and more recently, Facebook. I’ve watched kids grow up over the years by pictures sent to us in cards.

SLASH, SLASH, SLASH. It’s getting bloody over here.

If I haven’t physically seen you or spoken to you in the last two years- you’re slashed.

If I’ve sent you a Christmas card in the past and I’ve never received one from you- you’re slashed.

If I haven’t seen your CHILD except in pictures you’ve sent at Christmas- you’re slashed.

If you didn’t come to my mom’s funeral- you’re slashed. (You know who you are…)

If any of my aunts or cousins have not called me or emailed me or written to me since Mom passed away…I get the hint (if that’s what’s up)- you’re slashed too.

(If that’s not the case, and you really “don’t do crowds”- I feel sorry for you, but you’re still slashed.)

Am I being harsh? Probably. Shallow and petty? Maybe. But honestly, if we can’t get together during the year, why should we have to catch up in a card? Isn’t sending me your kid’s picture or mailing a family newsletter MORE shallow and petty than actually picking up the phone or emailing to make a date? Lord knows- I’ve thrown out suggestions to MANY people over the years to get together. I love a party! I DO “do lunch!” I would love to meet your kids! Let’s get together and rekindle our friendship rather than send out phony “picture” cards and “family updates.” (Or worse- that blurry picture of your dog.) Remember the reason for the season. Reach out to someone you haven’t spoken to in awhile. Keep the Christmas spirit going all year long.

And I apologize if you got hit with the blood spatter.

Letter to Heaven

Dear Mom,

Usually my correspondence with you is a quick, fleeting thought about how much I miss you, or yes, sometimes cursing you for leaving us with so many memories of you.

Today I wanted to sit and let you and my little blog world know what happened this weekend.

It's November. While you were alive November and December were the months I saw you the most and was closest to you. The craft fairs, the Cookie Exchange, Christmas and all the planning in between- we saw and talked to each other often. We did the St. Thomas fair together and then the St. Andrew's fair right afterwards. I guess it was a good idea I didn't do the St. Thomas fair (shame on you, Catholic church and St. Thomas PTA- you know what I'm talking about...) because the St. Andrew's fair was hard. Very hard.

Dad had given me the rest of your crafts to sell and donated your Christmas earrings to the soccer girls to sell for their fundraising. They worked so hard on their crafts- many of the materials came from you (the angel pins and the bead and lace ornaments.) One of the things I heard over and over from the kids as I taught them how to make these things was "how do you know how to do this?" And I told them honestly that Zombiegirl's grandma taught me how.

You've taught me so much, Mom.

Their table was packed full of things to sell! And the girls were polite in dealing with the public even if they couldn't figure out how to make change. But not your granddaughter. She made change like a pro. She's been tagging along to so many craft sales that she ran my whole table for me, leaving me time to catch up with my church friends (Joni- black? Really? I don't understand...) and to watch over the soccer girls. My table was full of tutus and MR's carvings and your crafts.

You sold the rest of your beautifully soft scarves. I love these scarves. The gray and white one you made me got me through all the tears from last year. Haley and Kendal fought over that bright blue one, and Kendal finally ended up with it. And she wore it the next night at the soccer awards. It made me so proud! Almost all of your earrings went as well as your two string mooses! You've had those guys for years! Always turning up at the bottom of the bag, never to be sold. Now they're finally in a good home. Everything was going well at the fair until I opened this one little plastic bag tucked under some paper.

Your birthstone angels.

You worked so hard on your angels. You fretted about the colors of each bead, trying to get them to match the birthstone exactly. You spent hours at the fair untangling the string to hang them on the display case in month order. Every year you had four or five of each month to sell.

There were about 12 left in the bag. You never had the time to make more.

My first impulse was to hang them up and put them out to sell. But I couldn't. They were too special to me. I didn't want to keep all of them, either, so I offered one to each of the soccer girls that were there and to their little siblings. They marveled at them- they were so beautiful! Thank you, Soo! One of the moms questioned why I was giving them out and I told them they were yours and I wanted the girls to have a piece of you. She started getting all choked up and then I lost it.

I had been fine all day. Seeing those angels though made me realize how much I miss your awesomeness. My loss made me cry, right there, at the craft table. You would have hated that…

Mom, how often did I tell you that I thought you were talented? How often did I tell you how much I admired you? How often did I tell you how much I loved you?

Probably not enough.

You infuriated me to no end. Your stubbornness and personality continuously clashed with mine. I had to “learn” how to deal with you. But your creativity and talent was always admired- I know sitting with you as a kid taught me how to craft, bake, decorate cakes and sew. I should have told you more how much you were appreciated. Your ego could have used a little more stroking. You were truly talented and very generous. I could only hope to be like you in that respect.

So now we come to the holidays. Christmas was your holiday. Every year you had everyone over at your house- it was the only time of the year I saw my cousins- and you always decorated, using your collection of Three Wise Men and all the elves. I turned to your countless times on advice on baking and relied on you for the games for the Cookie Party. How to cook a ham. To sew manager costumes for the girls. To remember the name of a certain hymn.

How will I get through December without you?

I know now what you felt like when Robbie died a week before Christmas 20 years ago. How you resented the holidays for years afterwards. But you bounced back for the girls and made Christmas your own again. I know I have to stay strong for the girls and Daddy and make Christmas special. But I’m not sure I can make it through the preparations without your guiding hand and advice readily available on the other end of the phone. I’m not sure how to deal with the other loss in my life this Christmas. I’m really not ready for this…

So I just wanted to say thanks, Mom. For the beads, lace, stuffing, earrings, scarves and angels. But mostly for being the creative inspiration in my life. I owe that all to you. And as for celebrating Christmas, we’ll muddle through the best we can and see you in all the sparkly and twinkly stuff.

Because we know how much you liked the sparkly stuff.

Happy Thanksgiving, Mom. I miss you.

It Was A Very Odd Day...

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I wanted to post this yesterday but I was mentally exhausted. Physically, too, since I was up really early in the morning. I zoned out watching The Next Iron Chef America and couldn't muster enough energy to tell you about my day.

I had a knot in my stomach all morning getting ready to go to church. I was a little nervous going back to the church I grew up in since I haven't been there for eight years. I left a few friends and a few un-friends behind. I was a little nervous seeing Dad- how he's going to react to all this- it is his 50th Anniversary, after all. I was a little nervous at how the family and I would react letting mom go...

Church was fine- nothing changed. Mrs. Daniellson got me all choked up when she came over and gave me a big hug. She was the sweet lady who made Zombiegirl's beautiful baby blanket 10 years ago. Laura hasn't changed- still talking up a storm. Everyone asked how old the girls were, and some asked where Obdurate Daughter was. Instead of going into detail, MR told everyone she was a Buddist, and doesn't attend Lutheran churches anymore.

We didn't stay for the coffee hour afterwards. Dad's not much for socializing. We went back to his house to wait for Pastor Baum. A few sips of coffee, Pastor's here, we're ready to go.

Okay. Let's do this.

We walked over to the park which is basically across the street. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. The sun was out, the bay was a sparkling blue. We went down to the water's edge- standing on a little ridge of sand. Ducks swam by quacking, but stopped when we approached.

Pastor read from Psalms, then after we let the plane from Kennedy airport fly overhead, we said the Lord's Prayer. The ducks joined in quacking louder as we prayed. Pastor took the urn from Dad, and flung the ashes out over the water. Some landed in the water, some landed on the sand. The water, which had been calm, washed over the little ridge twice to take the rest of the ashes out to sea. We had to step back so the waves wouldn't wash over our feet. Once all the ashes were gone, the waves stopped. We all commented on that.

It was sadly beautiful and very touching. Mom would have loved it.

After thanking Pastor, we went to the diner for brunch. Subdued and quiet (amid the diner's constant chatter) we had our omelettes (shrimp cocktail for Z-girl) and we went back to Dad's. I think he held up pretty well. It helped that it was a nice day So we have tomorrow to get through and the closure is complete.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad. It was the first one you were apart in 50 years.

Back to the Earth

Pssst. Wake up. I can't sleep. It's 4:00 in the morning, I've been tossing and turning for an hour. It's fruitless to stay in bed, so here I am. Watching "Milk' with Sean Penn and telling you about the strange, sad day I have ahead of me.

I'm letting go of my mother today.

We're scattering some of Mom's ashes into the Bay today.

We're celebrating what would have been Mom and Dad's golden Anniversary today.

I'm going back to my roots today.

My mom passed away eight months ago from synovial sarcoma. She suffered for two years with debilitating tumors in her neck and face. Surgery and radiation didn't slow this cancer down- it caught up with her, wasted her away and killed her.

At the end, she couldn't talk, so she would write notes to Dad. I would go over and she'd have notes waiting for me. One of these notes was her last wish for her funeral- she wanted to be cremated so no one could see what she looked like, then she wanted her ashes scattered into Jamaica Bay. She wanted her final resting place to be the place where she grew up. Where she lived as a young bride. Where she raised her children. Where she died.

Her wake was lovely. Her ashes were in a pretty blue urn, surrounded by yellow roses from Dad. We had a picture of her next to the urn, and a Star Trek pin pinned to the vestment covering the stand the urn was on. Picture boards of her and Dad on their trip across country in the "Marshmallow" and to Hawaii were standing next to the flowers from her family and friends. Bowls over her favorite candy- Jelly Beans- were set up around the room.

The funeral home had never done anything like this before. Usually the body is cremated after the wake in a coffin that costs close to $1,000. My Nana Frances was cremated before the funeral, and Mom liked that idea. I plan to follow in their footsteps. It was so tastefully done. No badly made up bodies for the masses to gawk at. No coffin to purchase. I know a dozen people who don't go up to the body at a funeral. Face it, it's uncomfortable! I want to go one further and not even involve a funeral home. I'd like a memorial service at my church then a party. Not that I have anything against funeral homes and morticians. I just think they take advantage of the bereaved. People think they have no other options except to mourn the recently deceased for three days and nights at a funeral home stuffed with flowers that are thrown away after the funeral. Don't buy me flowers. Buy a 6-pack of beer, drink up and remember my life!

Mom changed her mind in a note a few days later. She said she wanted some of her ashes let go into the bay and the rest interred into the niche they purchased next to my brother in Pinelawn Cemetary. So on Tuesday, we're putting the rest of Mom to rest behind a pink marble wall next to her son she said good-bye to 20 years ago.

I gonna need my hankie.

Dad's been keeping the ashes at home. He mentioned a few months ago that he wanted to scatter the ashes soon. I knew their 50th Anniversary was coming up, so I suggested we do it on that day. He's going to be sad anyway- we should celebrate and do something special. So today, we're all going to St. Barnabas for the service this morning, then we're meeting Pastor Baum at the beach in Charles Park. Mom had asked Beena if she would read a specific poem, but we're saving that for Tuesday. We'll say a prayer, then set Mom free. I was planning on throwing them a huge 50's dance for their Anniversary. Instead we'll go out for a quiet lunch. And prepare for another sad, strange day.

"By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return." Genesis 3:19

Monday Tidbits

Instead of boring you with a play-by-play of my kids soccer games, or the most exciting things I do on the weekend, (laundry, dishes, soccer games) I think I'll feed you tidbits of some of the events and musings of the weekend.

Tidbit 1- Zombiegirl's team won their first Travel game of the season, 3-1 against Valley Stream. Off to a good start!

Tidbit 2- I convinced small children that a) the people in the low flying planes that flew over our soccer field can see us and were waving. At one point there were eight people waving at planes and not watching the game. B) If you spin around really, really fast, you'll lift off the ground, c) if you flip your hands up at a 90 degree angle when you're running you WILL slow down and d) that my house is haunted.

Tidbit 3- My husband is a much better cook than I am. This is evident by his meatballs. Which I HAD to taste.

Tidbit 4- Apocalypse Now (director's cut) is NOT my favorite movie.

Tidbit 5- Strange people use the laundromat. And it's expensive to wash a comforter.

Tidbit 6- I now know how to kill a maenad. I just have to change into a bull and convince her to marry me.

Tidbit 7- Time truly flies when you watch end-to-end episodes of the third season of Dexter. Which I DO love.

Tidbit 8- After 12 years of marriage, I would do it all over again with my hubby.

Tidbit 9- If I hear one more of my friends/acquaintances back out of doing something because "I work..." I will have to bitch slap them. I've been working full-time for 24 years and I have managed to: get married twice, have three kids, own a home, car and pets, have numerous yard sales, run two businesses, be a Girl Scout Leader, Sunday School Teacher, Soccer Mom and Class Parent many times over, write a blog, take pretty damn good care of my family and house AND go to the gym. Yes, I have flexibility at my job and a good support system at home. That does help. But I am just really SO very tired of the Primadonnas making excuses.

Tidbit 10- I am secretly married to Dan. My Facebook friend told me so.

That was my weekend in a nutshell. Comment if you're interested in any of the backstories!

Bask in my Awesomness, Please?

Look what I made. Go ahead, study. I'll wait.


Oh, and I made the messenger bag, too.


Thanks Heart of Mary for the awesome Tutorial. And thanks, God, for giving me Zombiegirl.


Happy first day of 5th grade!

Labor Day Weekend 2009

Oh! The intrigue. The backbiting. The alliances. The lies. The gossip. The scandals. The slander. The suspicion. The tyranny.

No, it's not another episode of Survivor.

It's kids soccer. And it's not the kids acting this way. Well, mostly not. It's the parents.

There's always one (or two or three) rabble rouser/trouble maker. The one (or two or three) that takes everything as an affront and tries to stir up discord. The one (or two or three) that irritates unneccesarily and causes grief for the rest of us.

Can't we just watch our kids play? They play so well we should be rejoicing in their talent, not on the sidelines plotting and scheming. I'm not saying I'm innocent in this, either. I get caught up in the bullshit very easily. But from here on in I'm going with the flow and I'm just going to be there for my kid. She deserves my full attention and support. So if you get in my face again, I'm stepping aside and ignoring you and cheering for my kid and her team. Go take your chicanery somewhere else.

(I've found www.thesaurus.com. Wondrous, isn't it? See? I didn't use the word awesome!)

So "Zombie #6" and her team played four games over Saturday and Sunday. 2 wins, 1 loss and 1 tie, which put them into 3rd place. This is the first time these girls have played together as a team since being picked for Travel. They were all wondrous but our new defensive player really stood out as the most exceptional. Pooda Girl #8 blew us away. Congrats, Nat! Keep up the good work!

We went out to the beach house after the games on Sunday. My in-laws and the kids were all there- the first time in years all the siblings (MR and his sisters) and their families have been out to the beach house. It was great spending time with the nephcies (nieces and nephew) at the beach. This is what went on while I was in bed with a migraine...

That's a bluefish. The blue Uncle Ray caught was even bigger.

After the beach Zombiegirl and I went to the outlets to pick up a few outfits for school. Tanger Outlet is 10 minutes from the beach house. It took two hours for us to hit two stores- parking was crazy, the customers were crazy and no one spoke english. But thanks to the cute boy in Justice for helping us find Z-girl's sweater. Next time we don't wait for the last minute.

All in all, it was a great weekend despite the bickering, the migraine and the crazy foreigners at the outlets. I got sunburned while at the soccer tourney, and when I got to the beach house, I noticed that my little frowny lines between my brows were white- I was scowling all day and sunburned that way. Lovely. Those kind of tan lines I don't want...

NaBloPoMo #30- Xanax, Anyone?

Great. A whole lot of stress is about to be introduced back into my life.

Good thing I start training with Mike tomorrow!

NaBloPoMo #29- The Yeti is Dead

The joys of having all girls. Hair fights in the mornings, clothes fights in the afternoon, period talk at the dinner table. We've experienced it all. Recently we had "the Talk" with Zombiegirl because they were showing a "body" film in school and I wanted her to be prepared. TMI, Mom. That's what I got when I showed her the "Miracle of Birth" film.

We were on our way to Cheeburger, Cheeburger (review to follow) in Plainview tonight in Dad's truck. MR was in the front and Beena, Z-girl and I were in the back. The AC was blasting and Z-girl was getting goosebumps. Which caused the hair on her legs to stand straight up! Beena and I were amazed at how much hair she had- she was furry! Okay, she's got a great tan and blondish hair but alot of it. When she put her legs into the front seat to show MR, he called her a Wookie. I've had this discussion with some of the other moms (seems this generation is unnaturally hairy) and we've all agreed that it's to early for them to shave. But Beena suggested using Nair on the little Yeti.

I am thankful that Zombiegirl is growing up with an older sister. When I piss her off, and I know I will, it's good to know she can go to her sister, who has a good head on her shoulders. She'll confide more in Beena than with me, and I'm surprisingly okay with that. I don't have a sibling anymore to share my pains and joys so I'm glad the girls have each other. And getting rid of unwanted hair might be a little cooler if she takes it off with her sister instead of her mom. As long as she runs downstairs with a big grin on her face and rubs her legs against mine to show how smooth they are. As long as she still wants to snuggle on the couch- just a little while longer.